Turning the page

Many moons ago, roughly 4 years worth to be precise, I was working at the Apple Store in a bizarre outdoor mall within the lone star state. Something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it and when I awoke to what it was, a deep feelin of numbness that had crept into my being, I bucked like a wild horse being broken and jumped toward anything I saw as a way out. Little did I know that in that month I was just a landmark forum and a skydive jump away from quitting my precious job and going to burning man. It was on the playa that I was inspired to delve into songwriting again and open up my heart to a new depth of experience.... Fast forward through a free fall of flying in love over distance, a dengue riddled attempted escape from the fates to Mexico and an idealistic heart-driven move from TX to CA in my lil red truck and I had just completed the first chapter of a new life, a life that I was consciously choosing. Like Russian nesting dolls, that chapter lives within the next of my tumultuous landing in LA and the subsequent gypsy lifestyle that emerged from the collapse of what I once thought was my reason for coming to California, that particular flavor of love that knocks our socks off when we allow it.
Out of the ashes, I surfed couches and lived out of my truck for a spell, writing and reflecting on how I'd come to be in such a place in my life. Then came the boat, dilapidated and empty and another chapter began....

Forgive me if i'm rambling today but I just saw the interconnect between all the moments up till now so clearly after my CD Release this past Sunday.  How what I once thought was the end of my world became the birth of my real life, and how this life is literally more amazing and magical than the one I had previously imagined times a trillion. All the discomfort and heartache has been and will continue to be one of the greatest gifts I've ever received,  for without their influence none of this would be possible as it is right now.

Lately I feel a great turning of the page and I make up that I'm not the only one who feels this.
I'm grateful to celebrate and share the sensation of eras ending with this new EP and I trust that years from now we'll be able to look back with limitless compassion at all of our perfect mistakes.

So Grateful for all that came to witness the resolution of so many chapters this weekend and So Inspired to co-create what will be shared next.


Love Y'all, p

So Close....

Above is the graphic for the new record courtesy of the extremely talented Colin Gil.

After what seems like an eternity, this EP is almost ready to be free of me to live in the world on it's own. So many emotions surround this imminent release that it's hard to speak more often than not but I can and will say that I'm grateful for the overflow of patient support that has allowed this record the resources and time to grow into what it has become. SO GRATEFUL for Robin Livingston for helping me produce this and giving me the space to lose my mind and find my heart time and time again during the process. As I continue to learn the art of capturing a songs spirit and working with more talented sorcerers of sound I know things will continue to grow and develop.

In the words of Leonard da Vinci, "Art is never finished, only abandoned." 

I'm offically walking away from this with love in my heart. 

OnlyLove and DeepGratitude, p

Facing what goes bump in the night

Stepping into November, I'm feelin called to check in about where I am in this rapidly changin world.

In that my life has recently entered another tunnel of shadow work, it has become increasingly clear that the archaic model of duality that once motivated my actions is decaying and giving way to something deeper. En route to this newness, I've recently noticed my emotional body return to that of an anxious little boy that's afraid he isn't worthy of receiving what he wants. This boy is no stranger, this boy is the part of me that has been running through the back of my mind undermining dreams and relationships for all of my adult life.

So why am I telling you this?

I've come to believe that before I allow myself to move forward I must first resolve the issues from which I ran, forgive the parts of myself that I projected and vilified, and merge this anxious child with the lovingly confident man I've grown to know.

When the changes I wish to create in this world remain, they will have survived because all of me was complete with what was, not 99%.

So much is happenin on our marble in the dark and the Occupy Movement appears to me as the more visible components of a massive underlying shift. A deep restructuring that many of us have called forth for ages is now birthing itself and this process is not obligated to be comfortable.

Having participated in several of these local Occupy events, I can say I'm grateful to contribute to their expansion as I believe they are some of the first waves of a new kind of revolution.

The one thing I wish to infuse into the Occupy message is this.

Let us be conscious in our dialogue and shift from an US vs THEM conversation into an US conversation. We have such a gift before us.. To receive this gift fully and pass it down to our posterity, we will first be faced with stripping the caustic threads of blame and separation from the blanket of thought that fosters all of our tomorrows. The most courageous of us will begin with themselves.

This is everyone's time to show up, All of Everyone.

So, in this moment I call forth the allowance of as much humor and love imaginable to permeate this experience as I reclaim full empowered accountability for all that is of my life by merging the darkest aspects of my past with the brightest visions of my future.
In the meantime, I'm taking it easy on the kid within and observing him with compassionate eyes.

Lookin forward to gettin this record out soon...

Love Y'all,

p

I Apologize

Okey Dokey Gang!

I Apologize for falling out of integrity with my own word regarding this album.

I promise the record is literally being mastered as I write this and everyone that donated to make this record a reality will be getting some download love by the middle of this month.

This EP has been such a learning experience for me and I'm grateful to feel myself moving forward both as an artist as as a producer. I'm honored by everyone's support and beyond appreciative for y'alls patience.  Budgeting time and money have been such a growth area for me and I trust that the lessons I've learned this time around will help expedite the next record tremendously.

I look forward to wrappin up this loose end in my brain and moving forward.
So much awaits....

OnlyLove,
p

Returning from a coconut milk bath....

Hey Y'all,

Admittedly I fell out of integrity with my commitment to blog once a month but I'm now back in the saddle with a functioning laptop. This initial re-entry into the blogosphere will be brief as the completion of my new EP has me feeling a bit restless, all the more reason to meditate before I sit down to write the next one.

In short...

Though I know we're behind our first timeline, the record is sounding fantastic and I look forward to getting it out to y'all!
All that donated can expect a digital download by the middle of next month and hard copies by October's end.
We're shooting for an official release in November.

I've promised myself to write again soon and this I will do.

In the meantime, let us all dissolve yet another batch of old imagined fears
with the passing of Elenin into the depths of this universe.

Love Y'all,
p

Flowing between two banks of studio time...

It's amazing how emotional waves shift beneath us so quickly and how important it is to remember that we inherently float. After such a beautiful outpouring of support, I immediately went to record for two days in a gorgeous lil spot just north of SF and within the breadth of a day I was noticing hints of old familiar shadows dancing on the walls and creeping alongside the cables on the studio floor. Thought's like "don't eff up!", "am i worth this much faith?" and "everyone's gonna realize I'm some kinda fake" kept peaking their head into the session and by the time I returned to LA I felt I'd been worked over somethin raw.

Despite this component of my experience there, I feel I did my best to be present and interacted with this self sabotaging facet of my self to a lesser degree than ever.
What made this easier was the tool of watching the shadows more than identifying with them and in my observation I saw again that they were born out of a desire to feel safe, to protect me from the unknown...

As these songs rose from a space very close to the bone, that too has been a factor in this medicine journey. I'm grateful to say that they're being birthed in divine timing and that I'm choosing to stay out of their way and allow them to live free of me.
Birthing is such a magical process and though as a man I will never know that first hand, I imagine it's uncomfortable to say the least yet simultaneously the most visceral experience of beauty one can have in a lifetime.

I know I'm a part of the penultimate stage of creation on this earth and I fully recognize the possibility and potential y'all have seen in this music that comes through my person. I'm so grateful for your reflection of Divine Love and committed to remembering that this Love is ceaseless and everpresent.

Looking forward to sharing what we deliver in a couple months.

Love Y'all,
p

Wrappin up and Movin on

As some of you may know, I began workin on a second EP last Sept after returnin from burnin man. Titled "Leave on the Lights" it started as a set of songs that guided me through the greatest shift I've known this lifetime. After some preproduction at a very generous friends studio, I wound up cutting all five tunes in a single day this past December with Mona Tavakoli and Becky Gebhardt of Raining Jane. These magical women held such a beautiful space for these songs to be born into, a space the EP floated within till I got the download that it was time to complete it. Initially discouraged by a perceived lack of funding, I was inspired to generate a fund raising campaign to bring these songs out to share with the world after watching my friends successes on indie go go and kickstarter. The final piece of the puzzle came into place when a very talented friend, Peter Harding, volunteered to make a video to promote the campaign. This video is such a gift, words cannot convey the gratitude I have for it's contribution.
We are now on day two y'all and I've got good vibrations surrounding what's to come.
Scope out the video and the campaign here!!!

Love and Blessings,
p

Thoughts on what is now

The universe showed me a metaphor that really brought it all home for me as I waited in my car yesterday. Though it was rather disturbing, I would like to share it with you all now and if you know yourself as one who is easily upset, please do not read any further.

I saw a boy hugging a leashed dog on an empty street corner.
The dog was restless and the boy held the animal harder.
The boy stood up and tied the free end of the dog's leash around his own neck. Inevitably, the dog began to move and the boy cried out yet did not untie the leash which was now effectively strangling the boy. In fact, the boy turned to face the opposite direction of the dog's motion and began kicking and screaming as the dog, increasingly alarmed by the boys flailing and yelling, moved faster and faster. Eventually, after almost a whole city block, the boy untied the improvised noose and beat the dog violently with it.

There is nothing that we fear and hate that did not begin with ourselves.

May we now look into our own roles, invest in life and bring our forces home to renew and rebuild this country.
It all starts and stops here.

Let there be peace,
p

Recognizing Mother Nature

Today I read one of the most inspiring articles I've laid eyes upon in some time, possibly in my entire life. In this article I learned that Bolivia is set to pass a law that gives Pachamama (Mother Nature) the same rights as an individual. It's about effin time y'all. Corporations have been reaping the benefits of such recognition for years and the results, for the most part, have not been positive for anyone/anything else, especially the environment.

We've created the most powerful and egocentric forces on this planet from our own fears of scarcity and these Titans of egoic selfishness are pummeling the very surroundings that allow us to exist. I'll take full accountability for this as the majority of these corporations were created to fulfill desires that I fueled with my own thoughts of lack/craving. Now I choose differently.

I'm 100% ready to provide the source of all that we walk through, stand upon, swim in, dance amongst, sing along, play with, breathe in and consume the same rights (if not more)than any other entity recognized by international law and I'm grateful for Bolivia's choice to take this first vital step toward a viable future for all.

Spread the word Y'all,
Mama's been recognized and acknowledgment makes all the difference.


Blessings to all beings,
p

...Passing, Arising and Passing, Arising...

Freshly reintroduced to the deluge of verbal communication that is my life in Los Angeles, I'm seriously appreciative that I chose to attend the meditation course I mentioned in my previous post.

In the wordless company of my cosmic brothas and sistas I entered through a passage of breath into a rodeo of focus with the bucking horse of my own wild mind.
This may of been one of the best choices I've made yet this life.
As the horse became tame enough to guide along the path, the journey became a fiercely dynamic flow of sensations, ceaselessly changing and offering the rider a rare opportunity to reconstruct unconcious reactions at the root level.

Any words I arrange on here will not do the experience justice, so I leave it at that. Acknowledging the depth of it all and voicing gratitude for the new friends I made in silence these past 11 days as I proceed along the path with Love in my heart and a clearer head.

*On a side note*
the course was taught simultaneously in Khmer, the language of Cambodia, and my awesome sister whose birthday is today will be spending her honeymoon there next month. On the last day of the course I asked the Cambodian monk who took the course with us if he'd extend a blessing in Khmer to my sister and her equally awesome fiancee. He said yes and the video below is the blessing.

Love to all!
p

More Changes

Hey Everybody,

It's amazing how much can happen in two weeks.

As the world has continued to shift ever more rapidly on deeper levels, I've found it more and more challenging to return to the space between breaths where creation lives.

Last week, during a beautiful show at The Hotel Cafe joined by some of my favorite artists, I finally began to heal some ancient wounds that had been unearthed these past 3 years. Emerging from this Love Bath grateful for my community and empowered by the direction we've collectively chosen, I felt called to go deeper within and as it just so happens I was notified the following day of my acceptance into a 10 day Vipassana meditation course.

So...
As I set off into the deep, I just wanted to check in and say Thanks for being a part of it all. There's so much more to come and I look forward to sharing it together.

Love Y'all,
p

Grateful to be reminded and aware... again...

Today I woke up fully aware of the amazing people that I love in my life. In Texas, The US and The World.

In the 2 years I've called Los Angeles my home I've known periods of time where, contrary to the truth of the matter, I felt very alone and unsupported.

As that illusion has faded away, I've had the opportunity to step into a life where I'm literally surrounded by magical and beautiful human beings whom I'm honored to know as my friends.

So in the spirit of recognition and acknowledgment,
I'm voicing my appreciation here.

I thought of listing everyone specifically and though I may do something like that in a future post, today I choose to say this:

Whether we are reading/writing this from a place of pure elation or
a space of deep depression the distance between us is still nothing.
Consciousness in a sea of itself simply is one.
No matter how far away and separate we think we are from one another our relationship to what we want and what we fear, to our loved ones and ourselves is always the same,
a relationship determined by choice and focus.

To all I am blessed to Love,
Thank you for showing up in my practice and reminding me of this again and again.

Love y'all,
p

The practice continues...

This month has been one of deep change both inside and out for me.

The tail end of last month officially marked my year anniversary of living on the boat and with that came a flood of memories and emotions like an autobiographical montage. It's amazing how one can go so far and in a moment feel that there is no distance at all between the breath they're drawing in now and the breath they exhaled a year ago. I know that that's not the case. I know that I'm a million breaths away from where I was a year ago. I know that I'm grateful for the progression of life and that I choose where my mind resides in time.

During this passage I wound up with some serious chest funk and I was told not to stay on the boat till spring as the cold damp air apparently was hindering my return to full health.

So, as I've been surfin couches instead of waves, doctors orders,
I've seen Tunisia, Egypt and Libya (in the media) face their shadows and in the case of the first two, subsequently emerge into a new model of being. This has been truly inspiring and I'm ready to embrace who I'm becoming on the other side of this transition.

All in all, February wasn't just shadow work though and there were many things for which I'm very grateful. I shared a bill with one of my biggest inspirations Daniel Lanois and his new project Black Dub at Sunset Sessions, further developed my side project with Jessie Payo called The Owl and The Pussycat and wrote some new songs in the process.

I'll post a link to some rough videos of the new songs within the next couple weeks and I'm excited to see what March will bring us all.
My intention is to be in the best health of my life, all levels, by April 1st.
And so it is!

PS When I did a google search for an image representing shadow work, the one at the top of this post, the picture I found was followed by a quote of one of my favorite authors.

"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something helpless that wants help from us."
--Rainer Maria Rilke

Love y'all,
p

2011, the best year ever

Hey y'all,

I'm really excited about all that is possible for us on an individual and collective scale this year.
On the music front, there's loads of it coming your way as I'm ready share what last years growth produced through me in that regard.
After looking at my infrequent bloggin from 2010, I've committed to at least posting once a month.
And now off to my other commitment
meditating more...

Love,
p